


Kitty With A Claw (She's a Cutie!)

by kittenbath



Series: Kitty With A Claw: Chronicles! [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: ARE ANIMALS ALLOWED IN IKEA, Cute, Everyone Else Loves You, F/F, F/M, Fluffy, If Only They Knew, MAYBE A DAY OUT IN IKEA, Only Tony Knows That Kittens Are Secretly Evil, Other, Requests, i don't think so, kitty adventures, never mind, wait
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-06-07 04:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6784723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenbath/pseuds/kittenbath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One fateful day, a kitten joins the Avengers...<br/>~<br/>She becomes the fluffiest, cutest, and most lovable hero!<br/>And the fluffiest, hungriest, cutest, and most dangerous opponent!<br/>Don't take away her food or she rips you apart!<br/>~<br/>These are her adventures with her new friends!<br/>Request if you want!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That Time With The Introduction

There were just a few things you needed to know living in Avengers Tower.  
1\. No using powers during game night.  
2\. Thor is not allowed to buy more than five pounds of Pop-Tarts at a time.  
3\. No crawling through the vents at night. That's mean.  
4\. No stealing other people's shampoo. That's also mean to the guys that clearly overuse it.  
5\. No using Cap's shield as a cereal bowl.  
6\. No threatening Natasha. You're digging yourself an early grave, trust me.  
7\. No threatening the cat. She'll cry. That's worse.

~~~~~~

KITTY ADVENTURES  
~ Request if you want!  
~ If it's a request you wouldn't show to kids...why are you having a kitten do it?  
~ She'd probably screw it up  
~ Get distracted by a butterfly or something


	2. Destroyer Kitty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You should have her befriend Tonys bots and trash said lab.

“I mean it, Steve! There something off about that cat!”

The super soldier shook his head, disappointed, before placing a hand on the panicked billionaire’s shoulder. “Tony… I understand that you must have had some...traumatizing experience with cats when you were younger-”

“I didn’t!”

“Stark, look. Admitting it the first step! When you’ve got that down, you’ve got nothing to fear!” Steve tried to encourage.

“Admitting it is the first step!” Tony mocked under his breath.

“Yes!” the soldier nodded enthusiastically. “And when you’ve got that down-”

“I get it, Stars and Stripes,” Stark snapped. “And I never had any traumatizing experience with cats, so I got nothing to admit except that I think the cat living in my tower is an effing demon!”

“Demons only exist in our minds, Tony,” Steve said sympathetically. “Believe me, I know.”

“I hate you,” he deadpanned.

“Bucky’s getting pretty good at dealing with it, too,” the super soldier continued. “If you need help, you could ask him.”

“I don’t need help!” the genius exploded. “I just want to kill that friggin demon!”

Steve clapped him on the back assuredly. “We’re here for you, Stark. Even when you think we’re not.”

As he walked away, Tony resisted the urge to run after the war hero and strangle his patriotic neck. He only was able to because he knew that if he managed to kill him, fifty million fangirls would come, delirious with the impulse to spill blood or drive him to insanity by reading their erotic fanfictions that took up twenty pages on Word about him and Steve.

No. He would have to take his anger out on something else.

~~~~~~

It was not a regular Sunday evening.

It started out normal, fortunately.. All of the Avengers were out on a meeting with SHIELD, which Pietro tried to get you to go to so he could cuddle with you while acting like he was listening to Fury, but you tricked him by pretending you were asleep.

You were so smart.

Anyways, you pretty much had the entire tower all to yourself because most of the people who worked there had gone home for the evening. And thank goodness!

You could finally try to finish that puzzle Clint gave you!

Every time you tried to do it, Pietro always sat around, complaining how you were taking way too long. The one time he decided to finish it for you...well, he learned his lesson.

Regular Sunday evening.

Except...it wasn’t.

There was one Avenger left in the tower, one who also made an excuse similar to yours.

One who was dealing with a problem more serious than an unfinished kitten puzzle.

~~~

“This is the greatest invention I’ve ever created!” Tony laughed, throwing his goggles to the side. The billionaire began to rub his hands together as he checked over the last few details of his newest creation. In all honesty, it was a waste of materials he could use to fix his suits instead, but Tony’s priorities were straight. He was very much willing to use up all of his remaining resources to defeat the demon-kitty.

“Thirty demon-destroying robots,” he murmured, running a finger on top of one of them. “Ha!”

Long was the story of why exactly Tony suspected you were a demon, but it needed to be told. It all started when he found out that Loki could speak the ancient language of kitties, a language he himself had always disregarded because he deemed it insignificant. Now he knew. 

Loki even stated himself that he was going to use them to try to take over Midgard again! Granted, nobody else believed this, but Tony was going to show them. In the beginning, oh he was just as naive as the rest of them. He thought this sweet, tiny kitten couldn’t possibly do any harm. After his outburst in the living room, Tony calmed himself down with some scotch, telling himself that he was overreacting.

He wasn’t.

As he tucked himself into bed, he couldn’t help but get the feeling that he was being watched. From the vents, to be accurate. He could have sworn something was there.

Eventually, he was able to sleep, but almost immediately, he had this terrifying dream where elephants were sitting on his chest. Pounding its gigantic feet against his neck, restricting air from coming into his lungs. In real life it probably wouldn’t make any sense, but in a dream it was vividly terrifying.

Then he woke up.

At first he was relieved, but that lasted, like, three milliseconds.

“Mew?”

Perhaps, in hindsight, he probably should not have tried to throw you to the other side of the room. Tony failed, and instead got nasty claw marks all over his hands. You eventually left, but the billionaire was already traumatized for life.

Again, in real life, it wouldn’t make any sense, but to him, it was vividly terrifying.

Then, another time, Tony was watching this show called Supernatural, just to see if it was as scary and sad as people said. It was, but that wasn’t important. What was very useful knowledge was how much he learned about demons.

Usually, they possessed human bodies, but let’s face facts. That cat was so obviously a demon.

The spiraling colors in your eyes seemed far too fake for his taste, he once remarked. One kitten couldn’t possibly acquire all the power and intelligence you seemed to radiate without having some sort of extremely powerful demon inside them. 

Kittens were naturally susceptible to being possessed by those stupid demons. They were cute and nice and made everyone cry. Perfect cover. Nobody else listened to him, but their opinions didn’t matter anymore.

He had to get rid of the demon. The sweet kitten trapped inside deserved it.

Back to the present. 

Tony flipped the switch, causing all the bots to power on. A sort of giddiness surrounded him, a feeling he felt regularly before testing new suits or other mad scientist-like experiments. Usually they failed, but he was determined to make this time different. These bots weren’t made to be good, but hey, the ends justify the means.

The means? He had a demon kitty to defeat.

~~~

You were getting very frustrated with your puzzle.

The pieces would just not cooperate!

“Mew,” you growled, threateningly pushing the entire puzzle to the edge of the table.   
It was not threatened.

You stared at it for a few seconds, deciding whether or not it was worth the effort to go get the box to neatly put the puzzle back or simply just blast it to cinders, when your hairs stood on end.

Immediately, you arched your back and hissed, which to anybody else would have looked pretty adorable, but you thought you looked very scary. A whirring sound responded to your threat, coming from your left. 

You turned quickly, but was momentarily confused by what you saw. Thirty lasers simultaneously were pointed at your little kitty chest, causing you to look down at that, interested. Pawing at the light, you were disturbed to find them growing hotter by the second.

“Mew!” you complained, looking up at the source of the not-so-fun lights. They only whirred in response, and the light grew unbearably warm, even for you.

“Mew!” you began to cry, bounding off the table to hide beneath the couch cushions, but it was no use. The lights simply burned through the plush and continued to press on you.

Meanwhile, Tony sat in his lab, watching the progress unfold in the safety of his swivel chair. He was hoping your body wouldn’t burn up from the lasers he derived from reactor energy, but if it did, well, the problem would be solved.

However, he would have three very pissed superbeings wondering why their kitten was gone and why there was a kitten shaped scorch mark in the living room. Not to mention animal control. 

He just wanted to get rid of the demon in your kitty mind. Once you became a regular kitten, with no powers, he’d feel safe.

After a few more seconds, you began to shake uncontrollably, then fell limp on the couch. Tony flipped the switch off, satisfied that the demon was temporarily down for the count. He looked down at his notes, his eyes scanning for the exorcism he was going to recite through the bots’ speakers.

“Ah!” Tony exclaimed, his finger poised on the first words of the Latin recitation. He looked up...only to find the footage gone, replaced by static. The billionaire blinked, before turning to the controller. He pressed the refresh screen button, but almost immediately, the controller sparked and burned his hands.

“After years, you’d think I’d be used to this,” he grumbled, shaking his right hand to cool it down. Suddenly, the lights around him dimmed.

Tony swiveled his head side to side, frowning at the now flickering lights. “JARVIS?” he called out hesitantly, his voice echoing through the long corridor. No answer. Just the sound of the wind.

By his ear.

He jumped about a foot into the air, scrambling to grab something, anything, to use as a weapon. Tony ended up grabbing his sandwich, which wasn’t too intimidating, but he hoped the demon was allergic to Swiss. Gulping, he held the sandwich close to his face. “I’m armed!” Tony tried to yell, but it sounded more similar to the voice of a man who was terrified of being alone in the dark with a demon that possessed kitties.

TONY STARK, a voice whispered in his ear. 

The inventor instinctively threw his sandwich at the sound of the voice, who did quite an excellent job at evil laughs. OH, SWISS? I LOVE SWISS.

“Give me back my dang sandwich!” he said, taken aback by the anger in his voice.

The demon chuckled again. STUPID OR BRAVE, I CAN’T DECIDE. BUT EITHER WAY, YOU CAUGHT MY ATTENTION. INVENTIVE, LURING ME OUT BY NEARLY DESTROYING MY HOST. I APPLAUD YOU.

“You’re the stupid one,” Tony snorted, gaining more confidence as he felt the paper with the exorcism crinkle behind him. “Why the heck did you possess a cat?”

He snarled, and his voice sank down to a whisper, barely loud enough for Tony to hear. THE ANIMAL WAS UNCONVENTIONAL, MERELY A STEPPING STONE.

“Stepping stone?” Tony tried to stall, his other hand griping for the bottle of holy water.

He hissed. YES, STEPPING STONE. TO SNEAK INTO THE TOWER. CLEAN YOUR EARS. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DON’T MISS BEING MORTAL. YOU HAVE FAULTY HEARING. 

“So I heard,” Tony mused.

He could practically hear the demon rolling its eyes. I ADMIT, YOU WERE NOT THE HOST I WAS WISHING TO POSSESS. BUT YOU WILL HAVE TO DO.

“Well, that’s...wait, what?”

The demon barked out a delighted laugh. OH, YES. YOU AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER!

“Um, no thanks,” Tony tried for a laugh, his hands scrambling to unfold the paper and unscrew the cap off the holy water. “I uh, got a girlfriend. And you’re not really my type, being wispy and all. So, yeah!”

YOU ARE INCREDIBLY FOOLISH, the demon said, almost sounding sorry. EVEN FOR A HUMAN. 

“Again, that’s-”

“Mew!”

Both Tony and the demon froze. The billionaire slowly turned his head towards the door, where a very fluffed up kitty cat stood in front of thirty robots, looking very, very pissed, as if someone ate your lunch. All of it.

The demon growled. ANIMALS, he said distastefully. NO SENSE AT ALL.

Apparently you didn’t like that.

You let out a little kitty growl and leaped into the air, faster than Tony’s eye can register. If he saw, he would have stepped aside to avoid your claws before they reached his chest. 

“OW! OH MY CHEEZ-ITS!” he howled falling to the floor.

The demon cursed.

Just a second ago, the demon looked about ready to possess Tony, and he braced himself, but now it looked like he was skittering around him. He was still writhing around in pain, but he managed to notice. “Got cold feet?” he croaked.

THE CAT STAKED HER CLAIM ON YOU, he grumbled. TECHNICALLY, I CANNOT ENTER YOUR BODY WHILE YOU ARE CLAIMED.

Tony didn’t remember that rule in Supernatural, but he was glad technicalities existed. “Ha ha,” he managed.

DON’T FEEL TOO HAPPY YET, he hissed. I CAN POSSESS MACHINES AS WELL.

The billionaire blinked hard, his eyes opening to the terrifying image of all of the suits he’d created flying above him, their repulsors at the ready. The next image that popped up was the kitten hovering above his chest, its eyes the same as it’s ever been, just with a more vibrant tone, but still pissed as hell.

“Mew,” you said.

NOOOOO, he heard the demon cry out. Distinctly, he also was aware of the sound of metal melting. Lasers blended in with the background, making the whole scene seem like a dream. 

That cat looks really happy with herself, he noted, right before slipping into unconsciousness.

~~~~~~

“Mew.”

“Mew.”

“MEW.”

“WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LAB? HEY, YOU GET BACK HERE, YOU STUPID-”

“MEW!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this happened  
> Demons


	3. A Kitten's Social Skills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It says no using caps shield as a cereal bowl but it says nothing about a milk saucer for hungry little kitties who look adorable swimming in very patriotic milk!

It was a very sunny day. 

Bucky decided that you’ve been cooped up inside way too long, and thought that it would be a good idea to take you outside. He settled for walking you through the park, and chose to ignore the strange looks people gave him at the sight of an Avenger taking a fluffy kitten out for a walk.

It was really worth it, though. After getting over the fact that you had to spend time in icky sunlight, you were happily occupied in chasing an orange butterfly. It was really cute how you kept on jumping up and trying to grasp the insect in your tiny kitty paws.

What wasn’t cute was when you managed to catch it, and pretty much ripped it apart.

A child witnessed this, and proceeded to scream loud enough to wake the dead. Bucky snatched you up (making sure to hide the butterfly’s corpse under his boot) and awaited with apologies as the mother ran over.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Immediately she turned a glare on Bucky, who hid you under his shirt. 

“Mew,” you complained.

The mother, convinced that Bucky was killing the kitten, and that that was what her child was so spooked about, pointed an angry finger at him. “Sir, what on earth are you doing to that cat?”

“...Hugging her?”

“Mew,” you argued, trying your best to make Bucky feel uncomfortable.

“Shut up,” he hissed.

“And now you’re threatening it,” the woman said loudly, catching the attention of her husband, who immediately ran over.

“I’m not threatening her!” Bucky insisted. “She’s just very talkative!”

“What going on?” her husband questioned, his gaze hardened at Bucky, who was tempted to throw you in the trash can. You were still wriggling around, your sharpened claws digging through his shirt and drawing blood.

“Look happy,” he whispered, taking you out of his jacket and squeezing the life out of your little kitten lungs.

“Mew,” you said, chewing on his hair.

Bucky resisted the urge to cry for his locks and instead forced an even bigger smile at his still glaring assailants. “She’s a cutie,” he managed.

“Mew!” you agreed.

“No, she’s not!” the kid yelled, digging his face into his mother’s shirt while she held him protectively. Immediately, your head shot up, wondering if you heard this boy’s statement wrong.

“Mew?” 

“It’s scary, Mommy!” he cried, tears flowing down his cheeks. You stopped chewing on Bucky’s hair and instead focused your gaze on the boy. His fear seemed genuine, but that wasn’t in any way possible. Bucky just called you a cutie!

“It’s alright, sweetie, the little kitty cat won’t hurt you,” the mother soothed.

He sniffled. “I hate cats.”

Bucky froze. Oh, this wasn’t going to end well.

~~~~~~

“-and that is why you should not take the kitten for casual walks in the park,” Tony concluded.

“For the last time, Stark,” Loki growled, “I did not plant a demon inside her and I do not intend on taking over Midgard using her brethren.”

“I didn’t say you planted that demon,” Tony corrected. “I said you were going to exploit it.”

“I thought you said you already exorcised the demon?” Bruce questioned.

The billionaire rolled his eyes. “Obviously, it left some of its dark soul in her, cause it still has those freaky powers, like how her fur stays fluffy even after it gets wet.”

“I won’t take her for walks again,” Bucky promised, effectively ending the conversation. However, Tony wasn’t satisfied. 

“Maybe I should exorcise her again, just to see-”

Thankfully, Pietro raced into the room, a bright smile alight in his face. “Where is my kitten?” he called out, and you mewed happily and ran to his open arms. “What were we talking about?”

“Your kitten’s social skills,” Clint replied. 

“Lack thereof,” Tony corrected.

The speedster blinked, unaware of you finding immediate interest in the taste of his hair. “What do you mean?”

Bucky let out a sharp sigh. “She...kind of tried to attack a little boy. There weren’t any scars-”

“But the parents are demanding the cat be sent to a Chinese restaurant,” Tony piped in. “Unfortunately, Fury intervened and explained that this cat had been experimented on and wasn’t all right in the head. He has her under house arrest until she learns how to deal with people who don’t like her. Talk about being self-obsessed.”

“Yes. That’s a unique trait around here,” Clint said, rolling his eyes.

“Well, of course she doesn’t like strangers!” Pietro argued. “Her siblings were killed before her eyes!” He began scratching your tummy, making you wiggle. 

“Mew,” you said.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Tony questioned.

“It has to do with everything, Stark,” Loki replied coolly. “I read in a book that kittens must grow up around other kittens, otherwise behavioral problems will occur, such as not knowing how hard it will take for a bite to become more than a slight discomfort.”

“You see?” Pietro pointed out. “All we need to do…”

“Oh, God no,” Tony groaned. 

“-is get more kitties for her to play with!”

“Nuh uh, no way, not happening in my house!” Tony exclaimed, jumping out of his seat. He stumbled over to Pietro, who held you protectively into his shirt. 

“Mew,” you said.

“There is no way I am letting more demon-possessed animals into this tower!” he stated slowly, his eyes widening with each emphasized word. “No way!”

“Would you rather the kitten stay inside the tower forever?” Natasha suggested.

“Yes!” Tony exclaimed.

Silence covered the room like a blanket before you realized that Pietro was suffocating you. “Mew,” you complained.

“I agree,” Loki said dryly.

You flinched. What your mew said was, “Hey! I’m dying here! Why don’t you cut off my tail while you’re at it?” Loki didn’t hate you that much, did he?

Stark blinked twice. “You-you do?”

Oh. So he was talking to Tony.

The Asgardian shrugged. “It does not bother me, at the very least. I enjoy her company. However, I am not so certain she enjoys yours, Mr. Stark.”

Narrowing his eyes, Tony tilted his head curiously. “What?”

Loki let out a little smirk before leaning his head on the wall. “The more time she spends at the tower, the more chance the non-existent demon has to completely take over. But since it does not exist, it is not an issue.”

The billionaire fell on the couch with this realization. However, Loki wasn’t done. “Oh...but you don’t believe that, do you?”

~~~~~~

“I don’t like that one.”

Pietro groaned. “You didn’t like any of them!”

Tony’s expression soured. “I know. I don’t like any of them.”

The speedster rolled his eyes and continued to fix up the kittens’ litter boxes. Meanwhile, you were delighted to have found a bunch of suckers (ahem, friends) to serve (ahem, play with) you. 

“Mew mew mew!” you ordered, and immediately, three spotted kittens arrived with a nice, plushy seat. You jumped on, and after fidgeting a bit, rested your head down comfortably.

“Hey! That’s mine!” Clint cried out, but almost immediately, a throng of kittens jumped on his legs, mewling and crying for his attention while you looked on, almost amused.

Steve sighed and wiped his forehead as he stood up to watch the damage unfurl. “We got a lot of kittens, didn’t we?”

“A little?” exclaimed a muffled voice coming from his right. Bucky popped out from under some kittens who decided that they wanted to build a fort on top of a super soldier, looking thoroughly exhausted. “I can’t do this,” he panted.

At that moment, thunder shook the building, making all the kittens freeze and look at the windows. One kitten mewed, and suddenly, all of them began meowing frantically and running around, even crazier than before.

“Thanks a lot, Thor,” Tony grumbled, peeling a particular clingy kitten off of his pants. “Should have gone with Bruce to the lab.”

“I have arrived!” the thunder god boomed, throwing open the doors to the kitten room. “Do we have food?”

“Plenty!” Tony said sarcastically, holding up two kittens by the scruff of their necks. “Take your pick!”

Thor laughed good-naturally. “Brother Stark, they are still alive! I cannot possibly eat them at this moment!”

“Don’t eat them!” Pietro yelled.

“HELP ME!” Clint screamed, struggling to breathe in the sea of kittens.

Everyone decided to ignore him.

“Oh, how adorable!” Thor rumbled, cradling about four kittens in his arms. “They are purring!”

“They’re hypnotizing you!” Tony said hysterically, jumping on top of the table. “I told you they were demons!”

The thunder god looked up, apparently confused. “Do...Midgard kittens not purr?”

“NOT THE HAIR!” Bucky screeched, bounding through the air to hide in the farthest corner in the room. He grabbed hold of his head, breathing frantically. “Please. It’s all I have,” he whispered.

Steve looked at him, surprised, because honestly, he thought that Bucky’s voice was gone permanently. Apparently, his hair required his full voice volume.

“Would you like me to sing you song, kittens?” Thor asked, his grin infectious among the cats.

“WOULD SOMEONE LIKE TO HELP ME?” Clint called out.

“EVERY MAN FOR THEMSELVES!” Tony screamed, jumping off of the table to run out the door. Unfortunately for him, it opened just as his hand touched the knob. The crash sent him flying to the other side of the room. Interested, some of the kittens went over to check him out, possibly lick him.

Loki walked through, a grin of satisfaction written on his face before he caught sight of the mess. He watched for a little bit before feeling a tug on his pants. You attempted to climb up his leg, but failed miserably. “Mew,” you said, disappointed.

He put the bowl he was carrying down and picked you up gently, much to your delight. “Mew!”

“I’m happy to see you, as well,” he replied.

Steve jogged over to the trickster, clearly concerned by how traumatized Bucky seemed to be after kittens played with his hair. “Okay, you’re here. Do you have the milk?”

“I do,” Loki affirmed, gesturing to the mega-sized bowl filled to the brim with nice, warm milk.

The soldier stared at the milk for a second before pointing a hesitant finger. “Is...is that my shield?”

“It’s a bowl,” Loki stated.

“It’s my-”

“It’s a bowl,” Loki concluded, setting you on his shoulder before picking up the “bowl” and placing it on the ground. You mewed excitedly and jumped in.

Had Loki not cast a spell on the milk, all of it would have spilled on the carpet. Since he did, however, you were able to splash around happily while drinking happily. “Mew!”

Your meow caught the attention of all the other kittens, who were starting to come over. After a few seconds of watching you alone have fun in the milk, a few other brave kittens dipped their toes in, and before long, all of the kittens were drinking and swimming in the milk.

Clint walked over, his face covered in scratches and his heart intent on murder, but after taking one look at the bowl full of kittens, his face softened. “Aww.”

Bucky carefully tread towards the bowl, keeping his eye on every one of the kittens. “Do you guys think it’s too late to take them back?” he hissed.

“Brother Barnes, why on Midgard would you want to take them away?” Thor questioned, bending down to pet you while you peacefully drank up your patriotic milk.

“I’m here!” Pietro piped up, appearing behind the thunder god. He squinted at your tiny form among lots of other distinctive kitten bodies. “Where did you get the bowl?”

“It’s my shield,” Steve mumbled.

Tony popped up behind his shoulder, peering into the milk. “That can’t be sanitary.”


	4. Revenge on the Starkitten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> http://images.ucomics.com/comics/ga/1986/ga860610.gif
> 
> and…
> 
> Please dude you have to do a chapter where the kitten is turned into a human!!

It took so long.

So very, very, very long.   
But you managed to do it.

All those kittens were so annoying anyways. Thankfully, they’re gone now.

~~~~~~

It took so long. 

So very, very, very long.   
But he managed to do it.

After three hours of therapy with Bruce, Tony was finally convinced that you were just a regular, but super-powerful, kitten, and that the other kittens living in the tower were just regular, but super-cute, kittens. 

Yes, Bruce got his arm broken in the process, but hey, it was for a worthy cause. And Tony was already showing how good the effect was when just yesterday, as he began showing affection to the kittens, or one in particular. 

She was pure white, with sparkling blue eyes, a munchkin kitten, according to Reindeer Games. The kitten loved to hang out in his lab and crawl over his machines while meowing happily. Tony enjoyed her company, and named her “Small Stark.” He fed her by hand with only the best dry kitten food. At first, he wanted to give her caviar, but then Reindeer Games told him that with a kitten that young, it might be dangerous.

He woke up that morning, bright and refreshed, after falling asleep to Small Stark’s purring and her meaningful kneads to his arm. Honestly, it’s only been three days since they first got comfortable with each other, but she meant more to him than any woman he’s ever had. Besides Pepper, of course. 

For some reason, though, she wasn’t there when he woke up. Tony first assumed she got hungry and went looking for food, so he wasn’t immediately worried. He sat up and groaned over the pain in his back. Rubbing it, he hopped off of his bed and shuffled to the bathroom to start the day.

~~~

You were playing with a lamp when the billionaire came into the room, whistling happily. “Hey, cat,” he greeted.

“Mew,” you replied, your attention glued on the lamp.

Tony looked under a table and looked back at you, brows creased. “Hey, cat, have you seen Small Stark?”

As you looked up at him in confusion, Tony sighed and instead turned to the ceiling. “JARVIS? Could you do a scan for my cat?”

“Already have, sir,” the AI answered. “She doesn’t appear to be in the tower.”

“What?”

“I said she does not appear to be in the tower. Shall I schedule a visit to the otologist, sir?”

“Wha-no,” he grumbled, flipping over couch cushions. “Where did she go?”

“Perhaps you should ask the kitten who threw your kitten in a box and dragged her somewhere your cameras cannot see.”

Crash!

 

Tony slowly turned around, his eyes hardening into a melting glare. You stood there, sitting innocently while a lamp laid in pieces a few feet away. “Mew.”

“You little-” The billionaire made an attempt to grab you by the neck, but you super-sped away, leaving him to curse as his bare feet trampled over the shards you left. He swore again after his elbow knocked over the vase of flowers sitting on the center table.

Tony sat down on the floor, defeated. “JARVIS-”

“On it, sir,” he replied. He began cleaning up while his creator rubbed his temples, trying to control his breathing. Obviously, he couldn’t directly take his anger out on you, as the first time he tried, you were able to convince his own robots to fight for you. True, you saved his life in the process, but he didn’t count it.

Besides the fact that you could defend yourself, there was the others to think about. Almost everybody on the team would move mountains if you ever needed them to. Even Natasha expressed a sort of fondness towards you because you really liked sleeping on her chest.

Tony really didn’t need to get on that woman’s bad side.

But...despite the fact that Tony now hated you with a burning passion, there was one thing about you that he could relate to: your pride. He should have been able to see it coming, not to quote Speedy Gonzalez. All those kittens in the vicinity...most normal kittens would have been thrilled to have so many playmates, but he could tell that you didn’t like sharing attention.

For example, one of the Scottish fold kittens liked wandering into the library and sitting with Reindeer Games while he read a book. He resisted at first, but eventually got used to it. One day, you went to visit the library, looking for the magic-wielding Asgardian, only to find him busy cuddling with said kitten.

So, common sense prevailed, and you destroyed the library. 

You blamed it on global warming.

That, Tony realized, would be the perfect way to get back at you.

No, not cause global warming. The part where you didn’t like other kittens sharing in on your space.

~~~~~~

One fish.

Two fish. 

Red fish.

You were so done with this.

As the remnants of the melted book disappeared through the sink drain, you hopped off of the counter and decided to see what was in the fridge. Unfortunately, the handle was way too high, so you just decided to sit on the floor and wait for someone to come open the refrigerator for you.

When nobody did, you poked the fridge to see if it would pretty please open for you. It complied, and you wiggled happily. Jumping inside, you pushed around a few things before selecting a big bowl of healthy kitten-shaped cookies Pietro probably baked for you. Yummie.

“Meow?”

What the heck was that, you wondered craning your head to peek out of the fridge. In doing so, you fell off of the fridge, the cookies you planned to eat falling down with you.

“Mew!” you moaned, cupping the fallen cookies. Why why oh why did you not have fingers! Oh, yeah, that would look weird. But still...fingers could have helped you save the delicious looking cookies!

You poked the edge of a crumbled cookie before your ears picked up a munching sound coming from in front of you. Blinking, you slowly looked up and saw a white tabby kitten eating your cookies.

Wait.

Another kitten?

But you got rid of all of them?

Jumping up, you growled threateningly, but the other kitten just smiled and kept on munching. 

“Stop eating my food,” you ordered in your native kitten language.

“Meow mew meow!” he replied, leaning down to eat even more cookies. Raising your eyebrow, you wondered why he meowed instead of answering in the native kitty language. Suddenly suspicious, you went a little closer and sniffed him to get a sense of his aura...which smelled really familiar.

“Mew!” he said again, batting his eyelashes, which, you realized, horrifyingly, made him look cuter. You then noticed his red collar, which had a white and blue triangle that reminded you of Stark’s arc reactor...oh.

“Why are you a cat?” you demanded, kicking some of the crumbled cookie at him angrily. He didn’t answer in the native kitten language, only meowed in a really annoying way.

“You’re ugly,” you tried. He still didn’t react. It then occurred to you that maybe even as a kitten, Tony wouldn’t understand what you were saying. He probably wasn’t even paying attention to you. 

“Pisoi mic!” Pietro sang, running into the room. “Guess what I- oh no!”

“It was him!” you accused, pointing at the ugly cat.

The mutant picked you up and squinted at the other kitten. “Where did he come from?”

“It’s Tony Stark!” you yelped, swishing your tail back and forth.

“It’s so...cute!” he exclaimed, placing you on the counter to pick a now slightly disgruntled Tony Stark. Pietro held him to his chest, and to your frustration, scratched him behind his ears. 

“Meow,” you grumbled, jumping down to the floor to throw some of the cookie bits at the stupid meowing kitten now bundled up in your primary owner’s arms. As you tried to pick them up, you remembered that you didn’t have fingers and sat down to sulk.

“Aw, pisoi mic, we have to ask if our new friend can stay!” Pietro said excitedly, reaching down to put you on his shoulders. “You’ll have a new playmate!”

“Pietro, you can’t just take in any cat that wanders in here,” Wanda chided, appearing from behind the door. “It might have an owner.”

Owner, you contemplated, sitting up. 

“Oh, but can’t we keep it until then?” Pietro pleaded, covering Starkitten with his jacket, which happened to be really odious because he just came back from a run. The thought of the kitten suffocating made you feel better.

“Stark will want to know how it even got in,” Wanda said, sighing.

“So that’s a yes?” he asked, grinning.

“Like I said,” Wanda replied, taking a banana out of the fruit bowl. “Ask Stark.”

“Yes!” Pietro said, running away, and in the process, he dropped you on the floor. Before you could mew in protest, Wanda waved her fingers and safely floated you up onto the counter again.

“Mew mew!” you thanked her. She smiled and began peeling her fruit while you plotted ways to kill that cat.

“Wanda?” Pietro asked, zooming back into the room. She hummed in reply, taking a bite out of her banana. Her brother smiled bashfully and asked, “Where is Stark?”

“He’s a bit occupied at the moment, you’ll have to ask him later,” she answered, picking away at the dangly parts.

“Okay!” he affirmed cheerfully, and said to the now smirking Starkitten, “For now, I have to give you a tour!”

“Mew mew mew,” you muttered, and Wanda rubbed your ears as Pietro zoomed out once more.

“That’s not a good idea,” she commented when you turned to face her.

“Mew meow mew!” you argued.

Wanda scoffed and tossed her peel in the trash. “No, that’s not going to work either. My brother likes dogs, and you don’t get paid.”

You refused to admit it out loud, but she made a point. Kittens really didn’t get paid.

“Your plans are too complicated,” she laughed, petting you behind your ears, which you welcomed. “I have a better plan. Remember that power you discovered the other day when I was floating you through your fort?”

Ah yeah.

~~~~~~

Pietro threw the yarn again and watched the tired kitten chase after it. He didn’t notice how tired he was, however. What he was actually thinking about was where were you and why you didn’t seem to like your new kitten friend.

And where was Stark?

So absorbed in his thoughts, Pietro didn’t hear the doorbell ring to his floor until it sounded for what he guessed was the third time.

“Coming!” he yelled, and in a flash he was looking at the screen next to the door to see who was out there.

It was a little girl, accompanied by Rogers, who was bundled up in warm winter clothes and seemed to be holding a red hat. Oh no...it couldn’t be that kitten’s owner, could it?

He opened the door and was slightly stricken by the puffy red eyes the girl had, along with her quivering mouth and the way she was tightly clutching the seemingly home-made hat as if her life depended on it. “Um, hi.”

Sniffing, she opened her mouth to say something, but closed it quickly. Rogers clasped his hand on her shoulder and said quietly, “Pietro, Wanda said you saw this girl’s cat earlier today.”

“Oh!” he replied loudly, causing the little girl to jump. “Oh,” he said, in a much quieter voice. “Yeah, yeah, he’s in here.”

“Can I have him?” you asked softly, looking up at the speedster with shimmery, multi-colored eyes. Woah. That made you look even sadder.

“Of-of course,” he agreed, smiling at you in an attempt to make you feel better. “Right away.”

As he walked over to get the cat, you sniffed even louder and hugged the great Captain Doritos waist tightly, keeping the hat in your fist. “I-I don’t know how I lost him,” you said, your voice shaking. “He just ran off, like the little spoiled brat he was!”

“Brat?” Rogers muttered, looking down at you, to which you responded by looking up at him with your tear glistened eyes.

“Yes, brat!” you cried. “My mommy calls me that, too. She says it has a lovable connotation.”

Pietro held the struggling cat in his arms, meeting a gaze with Rogers, who was probably thinking the same thing he was.

“And-and-and,” you sniffed. “I brought my cat to school once. All the other kids teased me, but they do that everyday. My cat was my only friend.”

“Oh, here,fetiță, “ Pietro relented, handing the cat over, who was now thrashing wildly. 

“Thank you!” you said gleefully, the sad look you had disappearing instantly as your hands closed around the very scared-looking cat. “I’m gonna take goooood care of you!”

“Uh huh,” Pietro said, a little concerned about how you were looking at the cat like it was a future victim of an attack. He decided to associate it with how you were being bullied at school.

After a few seconds of staring at the cat, you looked up at him and Captain America cheerfully. “Do you guys know what’s better than being cute and fluffy and having everyone like you?”

Pietro wondered if it would be okay if he responded by asking where you were getting your meals, but before he could, you looked directly at the cat, whom he noted was frozen, possibly in fear. 

Grinning, you answered, “Being big and being human.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry cats  
> i did not do ur story justice


	5. Where Ya Been?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You could have deadpool try to break into stark tower and find the kitten, and they have a dramatic yet bro friendly goodbye but not until after deadpool has already stolen her back and given all of the avengers a heart attack.

Three months.

It’s been three months.

Three months since he lost his faithful partner.

Three months since he last heard that faithful meow.

Three months since he broke into somewhere with people that won’t put him in jail but will threaten to put a restraining order on him.

And now...it’s time to change that.

“I will find you, faithful kitty partner,” he sobbed, saluting you at the tiny grave he erected on the balcony of his apartment. “I have to. I made thirty pancakes last Thursday for you, until I forgot you disappeared, and then I had to eat them myself!”

Deadpool cried even harder at the memory. “It was horrible! I ran out of butter and syrup on my fifth pancake. MY FIFTH!”

“Ahhhhhhh,” he yelled, which made his upstairs neighbors look out their window and wonder if they should call the police or 911. Honestly, they’ve been divided for a while now, and most of the time, they just end up going back to what they were doing.

“I’ll find you!” he suddenly yelped, then gently ran his thumb across your “grave” and said in a deeper voice, “-and I will kill you.”

“Nooooo, this isn’t that movie, you idiot,” his other voice said. “Get your cliche movie quotes straight.”

“I don’t watch movies, and I don’t know if I am straight,” the deep voice replied.

“Just get going!” another yelled, and Deadpool nodded in compliance, brandishing his katanas and swishing them around, pretending that he was chopping off the heads of the bad guys. “Hiya!” Then he jumped out the window screaming, leaving his neighbors wondering again if they made the right decision in choosing the location for their home.

~~~~~~

“La la la la la,” you said in your native kitty language, passing a ball of yarn in between your two paws. “Yarn.”

Loki yawned and turned the page of the book he was reading. “Yes, little one. That is yarn.”

“Yarn. Lol.”

“Yes,” he said absentmindedly, turning a page. “Lol.”

“I found the catnip!” Pietro cried, rushing into the room with a pillow in his hand. You got up, curious about this “catnip” you and Pietro had been researching about since you saw other cats play with it at the park.

“I put it in a pillow for you,” he exclaimed, placing said pillow down in front of you. Scott trailed behind him, holding a video camera in front of his face. 

“This is for YouTube, cat,” he said gleefully, zooming in and out on your face.

“Mew!” you said, standing up on your two hind legs proudly for Youtube. Scott nudged the catnip pillow closer to you and you went back down on all fours.

The whole world (to you) seemed to hold their breath, just waiting for you to breath in the supposed scent that was supposed to make you really really really really high.

You paused a second in front of the pillow, then breathed in dramatically.

And...nothing.

“Mew?” you wondered, sniffing it again. And again.

“What’s wrong with it?” Pietro asked out loud, flipping the pillow over. You sniffed it again, but to no avail.

Scott groaned and put the camera down. “Come on, guys. How are we gonna get a better public image if our Youtube channel doesn’t blow up?”

“It’s not my fault the catnip is malfunctioning!” you argued. You poked the pillow and growled threateningly at it. “Work, pillow! Get me high!”

“Catnip does not work on young kittens,” Loki said, his eyes glued to his book. “And even if it did work, is it really a good idea to get the kitten who can shoot lasers from her eyes “high” as you call it?”

Pietro cocked his head, his brows furrowed in thought. “I guess Stark wouldn’t like that.”

“Lol,” you muttered, laying your head on the non-working pillow. Purring involuntarily, you decided to keep this pillow because it was very soft.

“Loki?” you called out. He hummed in reply.

“Why don’t you use contractions? Why does Thor not use contractions? Why is this pillow so soft?”

“Verbal contractions are for the weak, little one. And that pillow is made of cotton with a seemingly high thread count.”

“Are you…” Scott began.

“I’m talking to the cat,” he affirmed.

“Soft, soft, pillow,” you cooed, hugging the pillow to your chest. The catnip might not have worked, but you still wanted to drown your sorrows in the soft pillow.

“He can understand her,” Pietro clarified, crouching down to pet you.

“Meow,” you answered, leaning into the petting.

“She’s just meowing,” Scott murmured, looking into his video camera. He figured that if he wasn’t going to get views for a high cat, he might as well get views from the majority of people who liked cute kittens.

“Aw, she’s hugging the pillow!” someone said from behind Scott. “That’s so cute!”

“Hey, yeah,” he chuckled, before realizing that the person behind him wasn’t an Avenger, but the local mercenary who had previously owned the cat he was putting on Youtube.

Whipping around, he pointed the camera at his smiling - well, he appeared to be smiling - face. “How did you get in?”

“Human ingenuity,” he cackled, pulling out a little can of something and spraying a full dose of it right at the man’s face.

“Ah! My eyes!” Scott yelled. “My aqua blue eyes!”

Loki finally looked up from his book, alarmed, as Deadpool made his way to you as you rolled around on your soft pillow, unaware of his presence.

“Don’t you dare,” he growled venomously, stepping in front of him. If his magic had been at full strength, this clown would have already been in the depths of Helheim, screaming for his life and regretting every bad decision he made, including cooking all those extra pancakes with too much butter.

“Oh, I dare,” Deadpool answered in the same tone, before giving him the same treatment. Honestly, Loki didn’t think the spray would work, but it did. Black spots danced in his vision, and colors began blending together until he couldn’t tell red from blue.

“Ha ha,” Deadpool said gleefully, before turning to register the fact that you and your pillow were gone. “Hmm, I wonder where she went?” he pondered. “Voices? Do you have an idea?”

“Aliens,” one of them answered.

“The fast one took her,” the reasonable sounding one suggested.

“No, it’s definitely aliens,” Wade mused, taking out a hand-drawn map he made a long time ago that he bought off some sketchy guy online, which mapped out the layout of Avengers Tower. He didn’t the map itself, having been here numerous times without the express consent of the man who owned said building, but he needed another secret the map held.

It could tell him the locations of each of the Avengers (great deal for two dollars), and according to it, that alien that took you was incredibly fast. Speeding through each room like a demon, it became apparent that his end goal was Stark’s lab, where presumably, Stark would let out a trap that even Wade wouldn’t be able to escape out of.

“Oh, no you don’t,” he growled, folding the map up. He stalked his way to the elevator, but stopped due to the voice in his head insisting it would be too slow, even though it lead directly to the lab.

Instead, he opted to running back to the couch room, where the two Avengers were still flopping around like waterless fish, and jumped straight out of the window. Breaking the glass in the process, he felt power surging through him as he realized that after this, maybe he could get his life together again. 

Before you came along, it felt so frustrating to only have his voices in his head for company when he went out on his hunts. Now, he could interpret your meowing as someone actually talking to him.

Some would say he was crazy, wanting the company of a cat, but it was the best he had.

He was almost to the ground when he realized that Stark’s lab was at the top of the building, and not at the bottom. Whoops.

His assassin skills kicking in, Wade grasped his katanas and slid them into the building, cutting into it like butter. From there, he trekked his way up quickly, hoping he would make it to the lab before the speeding alien did.

~~~~~~

In actuality, Pietro wasn’t going to the lab. He initially intended to make his way to Bucky’s room, where he would put you under the super soldier’s safety before going back to kick the costumed mercenary out.

Once he got there, he knocked on the door impatiently. The door slid open, and a disgruntled Bucky stood there rubbing his eyes tiredly. “This better be good,” he grumbled.

“There’s someone in the tower who’s trying to steal the kitty!” he rushed, holding you out in his arms. You sat there, fussing about how you lost your pillow on the third floor, while Bucky sighed. He took you and put you on the floor of his room, then turned back to Pietro, who was about to take off.

“Did you tell Stark?” he asked, grabbing the speedster’s shoulder before he could run away.

He waved his arm. “No need. I can take care of it.”

Bucky paused for a second before sighing again. “Fine.” Shutting the door, he dragged his feet across the floor and flopped onto his bed again.

“Bucky?” you called out, licking your paws. “Are you sleeping?”

As he snored in reply, you groaned and climbed up the bed, going right to Bucky’s ear. “I need my pillow, Bucky,” you whispered.

No answer.

“I need my pillow,” you repeated, speaking louder. When he didn’t answer to that, you considered using your supersonic mew to get his attention, but then your pillow landed in front of you!

“Pillow!” you squealed, laying your head down on it. Suddenly, however, your head hit the top of Bucky’s hard chest. “Ouch,” you said, shaking your head.

The pillow was still there! “Hey, pillow, did you run away?” you asked, creeping your way towards it.

In return, the pillow moved a little ways from you, causing you to gasp. “You’re...you’re alive?”

Le gasp!

It moved again!

“Come back! Please!” you pleaded, chasing after it. “I need you!”

The pillow, saddeningly, didn’t feel the same way, as it ran all the way across Bucky’s floor, and out the open window.

“No!” you wriggled your way out of his bed, knocking aside Bucky’s picture of him and Steve in the pre-war days in the process. Frantically, you jumped out of the window without a second thought, but before you could think about your decision, you were caught mid-air.

In a normal situation, you definitely would have panicked by then, but you were too busy hugging the pillow, with whom you were reunited with. “Pillow,” you cooed, rubbing your head against it.

Suddenly, everything went dark.

~~~~~~

Well, that was easy.

It took him several minutes to get even halfway up the building, where he was initially, AKA, the couch room. From there, he decided to use the elevators, but on his way, he spotted the pillow you were cuddling with and picked it up to use as a peace offering.

Inside the elevator, he danced along to the easy listening music for a few seconds before the contraption shuddered to a stop.

“Hm,” he wondered, looking up at the ceiling. Slowly, he took out the ultra-pepper spray he bought and held it up, poised to spray at whoever was up there. “I wonder who that could be?”

“Your worst…uh….night….uh….mare!” It took Pietro several tries before he could break the elevator open. Once he did, he intended to drop inside and kick the chimichangas out of Deadpool until he passed out. Unfortunately, he didn’t expect the pepper spray in his face to stop him in his tracks.

Wade tutted a few times and crouched down to Pietro’s level, where he struggled and shook. “Anger does not benefit the weak,” he advised gravely in an old man voice. 

Pietro gritted his teeth in an attempt to speak. “Yo-o-u ar-r-r-re ca-a-a-a-lling me we-e-e-ak?”

“As a kitten, but not my kitten,” Wade replied cheerfully, before jumping up to the roof of the elevator through the hole the Sokovian made. Pietro attempted to come after him, but the mercenary had already duct-taped the hole shut.

From there, Wade jumped up and slid his katanas through the wall easily. One blade at a time, he ascended quickly to make it through before the AI system notified Stark about the broken elevator. 

~~~~~~

“Let me out!” you yelled, or rather, mewed. You pulled your claws and attempted to make quick work of the soft pillowcase someone trapped you in, but to no avail. Apparently, it also had a very high thread count. “I’m serious!” you squeaked out, wincing at your quivering voice. “I just got groomed and stuff, so, uh, my claws are...sharp?”

“Aw, such cute mews! I hope you’re not scared, though. I got a lot of pancakes waiting for you back home!”

Wait. Was that…?

Suddenly, the ascent upwards slowed to a stop, giving you the opportunity to slice your claws through the thread of the fabric into the legs of your kidnapper (kittenapper?). 

“Ouch!” Deadpool exclaimed, opening the package a little to face a very triggered kitten. “In the future, please don’t put out your claws!”

“I^*%^&$^%#%&^%*&^)&)*(&*(%^&$^%&!” you said, although all those symbols could definitely be replaced with naughty toilet talk words. It didn’t matter, though, because they all sounded like cute little mews. 

However, Wade caught on to your true intent, and gasped. “Bad cat! No pancakes for you!”

“(*^&$^#%^$&^,” you said, more quietly. In any other case, you might have been fine with seeing Wade again, even delighted, because although he did abandon you, he was the one to take you in.

~~~~~~

“Okay little kitty, drink up your milk!” 

You looked at him in contempt, because you knew that little baby kitties couldn’t drink regular human milk if they wanted to stay healthy. And you wanted to live forever so you could watch the world burn....I mean play with your toys. So you pushed the milk aside with your nose and stomped your paws. “Meow!”

Deadpool straightened his back and put his hands on his hips. Shaking his head, he demanded,” I’m sorry, cat, but this is the best milk I got! You want better milk, we’re gonna have to go to the dairy farm and milk some of our own!”

You recoiled at the idea, because just recently, while you were waiting for Deadpool to finish his shopping and come home, you watched a documentary about what they did to cows in order to get their milk. Yet another reason why you didn’t want to drink it. Ew.

Also, cow milk was for baby cows, not baby cats.

“Unless…” you looked up as Deadpool tapped his chin, deep in thought. Suddenly, he jumped and clapped his hands, making your fluff puff up. “That’s it! Let’s go to the dairy farm and get some milk!”

He began wandering around the room, picking out objects that he deemed necessary for the trip, such as water skis, his katanas, and a bag of rice (#Essentials) while you used your laser eyes to evaporate the milk, only to realize that the milk doesn’t evaporate all that well. “Meow mew meow!” you yelled, nudging the milk over the counter angrily.(#Triggered)

Wade continued to mutter to himself as he shoved random objects in his bag, while you jumped to the floor and growled threateningly at the spilled milk. A few minutes later, when Deadpool’s bag was literally hanging by its threads, he decided that that was enough and whistled to get your attention.

Looking up from your puddle of evaporated milk, you blinked in confusion. “Mew?”

“Common cat! Let’s go get some dairy milk!” he exclaimed, scooping you up as he walked to the door. “And while we’re at it, let’s get some yummy cheese! Don’t you like cheese?”

No, you didn’t. In fact, you were pretty sure you were slightly lactose intolerant. 

~~~~~~

“Come on, eat it!”

“I said I don’t eat pancakes made of all-purpose flour that doesn’t have at least and at most 10.5% protein content!” you yelled back. Honestly, you had no idea what you were talking about, but you were pretty mad about the whole kitten-napping thing, so no, you were definitely not going to eat his stupid pancakes.

Deadpool sighed and placed his hands on his hips, while you stared at him defiantly. “You want to act like an angsty teen? Fine. Go to your room!”

“I don’t have a room,” you growled. “You’re too cheap!”

Gasping, Wade placed a hand on his chest dramatically. “Well...I never…You know what? I’m just going to pretend I don’t understand you!”

“Varza este varza de dragoste este viata Nu am nevoie de furie pentru a-mi consuma soția!” you cried out. It sounded to Deadpool meows with a different accent, but in reality, it was something you heard Bucky say in Romanian while he slept. 

(Something about cabbage, just look it up honestly)

“Come on, cat!” Deadpool flared, throwing his hands down. “Just work with me here!”

“MY NAME IS NOT CAT!” you screeched.

Silence stood like a wall between the two of you before you spoke again in Romanian. “Este distrugător de păsărică. Bine?”

Nodding his head slowly, Deadpool let out a relenting sigh. “Okay. Okay, I get it.”

“Mulțumesc!” you muttered.

“You want to go back, I get it,” he said dejectedly, hanging his head. Rubbing the back of his neck, he laughed a little and pointed at his head. “They’ve been telling me that, you know? They said that the Avengers were your new family, and that you liked being with them a whole lot more than you liked being with me.”

That actually was not what you said, but you let him continue.

“And I did see it, you know? You were playing with a pillow they gave you, and they were like, when did you ever give her a present, huh? And I just didn’t want to believe that...that the only other option...would for me to be all alone again.”

You were quiet for a few more moments before you took a deep breath. Padding forward, you placed your little jellybean paws on his hand, which was on the table. “Mew mew mew?”

Deadpool removed your paws gently, and let out a shuddering breath. “No, no. Look…I don’t...I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a cat. I tried to feed you pancakes, which I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to eat!”

Normal cats should not eat pancakes, but you were most certainly not a normal cat. Still, you stayed quiet, because in addition to not really knowing what to say, you just began to realize how important you really were to Wade. 

He will never be able to properly take care of you, you know that now. Being a mercenary kind of takes all of his attention, considering how many people want his service or his head. Instability was basically was kept his enemies from finding a weak spot…

Until you came along.

Your powers were crazy, he knew it, but you were one of the only stable relationships he ever made that was mutually, truly, accepting. He needed you...but you needed someone to take care of you.

The Avengers were the only ones to take that responsibility. 

Wade realized that.

~~~~~~

“BUCKY! YOU IDIOT!” Pietro roared, tearing apart the Romanian’s room. “Как вы могли позволить ей убежать? И почему во всем нечестивый вы оставили окно открытым! Вы идиотский, румынский, глупый-”

“Nu a fost vina mea!” Bucky exploded, punching a wall. “Am fost de dormit, rahat Sokovian!” 

“FRIDAY, search the whole dang city, alright?” Tony ordered, keeping his eyes on the door to Natasha’s room. He knew how partial Natasha was to you, and his fear of her was of more priority than his overall dislike of your presence. Lucky for him, Bucky and Pietro were tearing each other apart, and Mjolnir was currently keeping Loki from setting New York on fire.

“Thor! Our viewers are asking about the cat!” Scott said in a panicky tone as he followed the blond god. “Can’t you like, fly around the city or something?”

“I cannot,” he rumbled. “Mjolnir is “my ride,” as you call it. Where is Sam?”

“Off on a mission,” Scott replied, looking around. Clint was away, too, with his family, apparently. “We’re the only ones around.”

“We gotta find the cat!” Tony blurted out, turning to face them with an anxious expression. 

“I thought the cat frightened you, Brother Stark?” Thor questioned.

Placing his hands on the god’s broad shoulders, Stark stared into his sea-blue eyes and spoke in a quiet but shaky voice. “I would prefer to never see that cat again, believe me. But guess what? We can’t all have what we want. There are too many people who want to see that stupid kitten again that are also very capable of tearing me apart, so help me, we have to find that-”

“Mew?”

Tony stuttered to a stop and jerked his head towards his personal bar, where you calmly sat drinking a bowl of chilled water. “Thank God,” he whispered, leaning his head on Thor’s broad chest.

“Hey cat!” Scott called out, walking towards you with a video camera. You looked up at him, an adoring expression on your face at the ready. “Where you been?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> “Varza este varza de dragoste este viata Nu am nevoie de furie pentru a-mi consuma soția!”  
> \-- Cabbage is love cabbage is life I need no anger for my wife
> 
> “Este distrugător de păsărică. Bine?”  
> \-- It’s pussy destroyer. Okay?
> 
> “Mulțumesc!”   
> \-- Thank you!
> 
> “Mew mew mew?”  
> \-- I’m still hungry. Can I have some food? I won’t comment badly on it I pwomise…
> 
> “Как вы могли позволить ей убежать? И почему во всем нечестивый вы оставили окно открытым! Вы идиотский, румынский, глупый-”  
> \-- How could you have let her run off? And why in all things unholy did you leave the window open! You idiotic, Romanian, stupid-
> 
> “Nu a fost vina mea!”  
> \-- It’s not my fault!
> 
> “Am fost de dormit, rahat Sokovian”  
> \-- I was sleeping you Sokovian ****!
> 
>  
> 
> I apologize to native speakers I was using Google Translate, and believe me, I know how that thing treats the little details in translations. :/


	6. cat eats scott lang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have one, We meet Ant-Man and try to eat him

“Hurry, hurry, hurry,” Scott continually mumbled to himself as he navigated the crazy streets in the city known as New York. Man, in reality, he didn’t understand why everyone around here moved so quickly, even when they didn’t have to. It was probably just the air. 

“Hey, an Avenger!” he heard someone holler off to his right. His head swiveled to the right, where a hot dog vendor stood waving him over. Immediately, Scott slowed down to acknowledge him, because, hah, would he deny his presence to an obviously adoring fan?

“Haha, yes, I am an Avenger. You looking for an autograph?” he inquired, smiling what he hoped was in a dazzling manner. The vendor shook his head, shifting his weight to the other foot. His hat was obnoxiously large, so Scott couldn’t properly see his face, but from what he could see, the vendor was clearly happy to see him. 

“No, no autograph,” he chuckled, turning to flip a hot dog bun on the pan. “I know that the Avengers are busy people. Where are you headed out right now?”

“Uh, nowhere special,” Scott replied, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Now that he thought about it, he actually didn’t know where exactly he was headed. The hot dog man, under his hat, continued to smile while preparing a juicy-looking hot dog piled high with condiments. Scott found himself staring at it and salivating helplessly.

Raising an eyebrow, the hot dog man watched Scott carefully, who just realized that all his salivating might make his fan uncomfortable, and as a result, leaving him fanbase-less. Lang shook his head, laughing. “I-I’m sorry. Just a little...you know…”

“Hungry?” he smirked, holding out the perfectly sculpted hot dog in front of Scott’s nose. “I can tell.”

His first instinct was to grab the thing and just shove it down his throat without regard to the fact that he might take the man’s entire arm along with it. Instead, he hesitated, glancing up at the man, who was starting to look a little familiar. Scott assumed it was because this guy probably hung out at this park every day selling hot dogs.

Nodding excitedly, the hot dog vendor pushed the dog towards him, insisting, “On the house!”

On that note, Scott eagerly grabbed the hot dog and attempted to shove it all in his mouth politely, but let’s face it, that wasn’t going to happen with his undomesticated posterior. Unfortunately, just as his teeth sunk into the brown flesh of the hot dog, Scott felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, as if some outside ethereal force was attempting to implement their deep belief in Scott’s undeserving nature of a well-made hot dog.

In other words, the dog was solid frozen and nearly cracked his teeth.

“Ptew!” Scott spat out the rock while the hot dog vendor watched on, interestedly. After all the ice was expelled from his mouth, Lang looked up at the still-grinning man with malice. “What’s wrong with you?!”

“What’s wrong, Lang?” he laughed, tipping his hat upwards. “A bit too...Frosty??”

“Bucky?” Scott gasped, his hand set on his chest to still his panicked heart. Out of all the Avengers to betray him like this, he never would have expected it to the old one. Like with Steve, he assumed this guy had 40s morals, which he also assumed did not involve betraying team members with cold hot dogs.

“Bet you don’t like it, do you?” Bucky growled, tearing off his hat. “I’ve been waiting on this spot for a year after escaping from the Wakandan facilities just to do this.”

“Wh-where’d you get the hot dogs?”

“I stole them!” he suddenly yelled, kicking over the hot dog stand. He then proceeded to mercilessly smash all the hot dogs under his boot. “This is all I’ve been eating! I hate it!”

“You ate it, you mean.”

“Agh!”

In his anger, Bucky accidentally kicked open a small compartment underneath the cart, where a familiar figure fell out, all tied up like a pig for roasting. The hostage’s yells were muffled by the bonds around his mouth, but Barnes paid no heed as he angrily shoved him back into the cart, mumbling about “conspiracy government.”

At that point, the super soldier took deep breaths, knowing that if he got too excited, he might turn into a hotdog, because he ate way too many. Scott could feel his aura getting more “beefed” up by the second, and nervously poked his back.

To his horror, Bucky began shrinking, and as he was doing so, he laughed cruelly, pointing an accusing finger at Scott, who began to wonder if he was ever going to be willing to eat hot dogs ever again. A few seconds later, Bucky Barnes melted into a hot dog.

Scott picked up Bucky Barnes the hot dog and tossed him into a campfire, where a family was toasting some marshmallows. They quickly left him alone as he chuckled to himself. “Looks like you’re Bucky Burns now. Haha.”

“Aghhhhh!”

“What the-”

“I’m gonna Bucky Burn your face!” the fire yelled, and suddenly took the shape of human Bucky Barnes, who no doubt was very upset to be tossed in the fire haphazardly, because that just showed how ungrateful Scott was that he had food, whereas some of the homeless people sitting around the city had none. 

As a kid, Bucky always made sure his younger sister, Rebecca, had food, because the Depression era hit all of them pretty hard. Sometimes, he himself wouldn’t get dinner so that she wouldn’t go without it. Now, to see Scott just tossing food into the fire, he just snapped.

“Eat your white privilege!”

“Ouch!” Scott gasped, clutching his burned hand. “I actually grew up in a troubled environment, you know, and we’re both white, so-”

“Eat your privilege!”

\-------

*what was this story supposed to be about again*  
*oh yeah the cat*  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

\-------

Five hours later, Bucky stood above Scott, raising his hands above his head like a champion, while the defeated one attempted to catch his breath. Bucky scoffed at his broken form and put his fingers to his lips to give the loudest taxicab whistle Scott’s ever heard. 

About two seconds later, you appeared on Scott’s leg, watching him curiously. He tilted his head to look at you straight in the eye, hoping to God that you liked him because he made you Youtube famous.

“Kitten…”

You looked up at Bucky, who pointed at Scott’s face with an evil grin on his annoying good face.

“Eat.”

\-------

“NO!” Scott yelled, jumping upward. Tugging his blanket along with him, Scott made his way out of his room, down the stairwell, and across the kitchen before realizing that…

“Lang...You uh...You alright?” Steve tried, his brow creasing with concern. 

“Huh?”

“You got no clothes on,” Tony clarified, sipping his coffee from the doorway. 

“Oh…” Scott attempted to cover himself up a little more as the other Avengers present took a good look at him. “Sorry. I just had a dream.”

“A dream,” Steve repeated.

“Yes.”

“And this dream…” Tony waved his free hand around for emphasis. “This is what led you to streak across the tower?”

“It was a bad dream,” he defended, shifting his weight. The room was silent for a few seconds before Scott cleared his throat and began moving towards the elevator. “Guess I’ll go…”

“Not so fast, buddy,” Scott heard Bucky commanded as he entered the room. The same evil smirk Scott saw he had in his dream was still plastered on his face. “We’re not done, are we?”

“I think we are,” Lang, replied, turning to run, but not before the super soldier knocked him over with a hot dog, which, on his chest, morphed into you, a small kitten, wearing a small and very cute hot dog outfit.

“My kitten still has to eat.”

“Nooooo,” Scott cried, waving his head side to side in an effort to escape while you licked him clean. 

“Hm,” Steve commented, watching the ordeal with interest. “Guess Bucky wasn’t “kitten” when he said she was hungry.”

Tony nudged his shoulder and motioned towards the elevator. “You’re right. Let’s let them have their “mewment”.”

“That’s the cat-titude!” Bucky smiled. 

“No more cat puns!” Scott screamed. “No more!”

Bucky looked at him with his dead eyes. “Say paw-lease.”

\-------

Scott then woke up and realized that he had eaten way too many hot dogs for dinner and promised himself never to eat another hot dog ever again.

 

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanna make an original cat story anyone have ideas what the cat's adventure could be


End file.
